đ The Shape of Joy
Read: The Shape of Joy by Richard Beck
Recommended
My Reading Highlights and Notes
- our focus has moved from outside to inside
- faith and spirituality are one of the best predictors of happiness and emotional well-being
- âshapeâ is referring to the curve of our attention
- âgrace exists, and you have to turn away from yourself to find itâ
- Cartesian doubt flipped the order of believing in facts from everything observable to the state of our own mind
- What Descartes did for truth, Freud did for mental health
- (and itâs hard to have a âclear, honestâ view of ourselves)
- âscarcity trapâ - where dealing with one area exacerbates another
- self-esteem can be thought of as the gap between who you are and who you want to be (success vs. pretensions)
- (this is dangerous with our appetites & comparisons & hedonic adaption, also dangerous because you âmeasureâ it and it is variable)
- you canât âtalk someone out ofâ the cracks in the mirror that are their self-view of self-esteem
- âconspiracies proliferate because we prefer comforting lies over the unexplainable and mysteriousâ
- (they also create community and give us a âheroic purposeâ)
- âthere seems to be an asymmetry here between the magnitude of the hatred give the triviality of the subject matterâ (this happens in fan culture because we have literally bought into meaning)
- ânothing defines the modern self better than how we voteâ
Time, now, to hold up the mirror. I have a few questions to ask you: Whatâs your hero game? How are you exhausting yourself pursuing status, success, and significance? Why canât you rest? What bike pump of self-esteem are you working at so furiously to fill your life with purpose? Where are you seeing the devil in the face of others? What are the prejudices at the root of your easy hatreds? I know you (probably) arenât wearing a cape or a mask, but tell me: Whatâs your superhero complex?
- âour default mental state is that our minds wander, and getting lost within ourselves makes us unhappyâ
- D: depressive rumination
- self-distancing technique: replace personal pronoun with your own name, helps with objectivity
- cognitive restructuring and CBT may still be rumination because itâs still focusing on your thoughts
- ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) goes a step beyond CBT in distancing
- (this gets to the observe/curious angle Iâm familiar with in various approaches, like many mindfulness practices)
- contemplative prayer quiets the ego
- âhumility is the foundation of happinessâ
- (not talking about self-effacing, but less self-invested)
- âaweâ and âwonderâ can pull us outside ourselves
- âtranscendence is the key to joyâ
- âscience knows the direction of joy and is happy to hand you a map, but science is silent on the source of joyâ
- the âfirmnessâ of material vs transcendent world has switched form how ancients experienced it
- we experience more awe from moral beauty than from physical beauty (e.g. courage & kindness over art & nature)
- relational/social âmatteringâ is important, but cosmic/existential âmatteringâ is far more important
- (especially since relationships can let you down, especially when you need them most)
- âour perception is affected by what we care aboutâ
- meaning is determined by coherence, purpose, and mattering and joy affects all these and gives a narrative/anchor for 1 & 2
- gratitude also faces outward and is transcendent
- love (especially sacrificial love) must have a firm foundation in healthy ego, not doing the âgoldilocks gameâ
- if you are struggling with the ego/transcendence, find people/things to love and care for: it pulls you outside of yourself
Iâve been in CBT for years, but didnât think it helped much. Have some basic experience with ACT, having read The Happiness Trap, and had some counselling with it. Think it helps more than CBT, but maybe not as much in my specific situation. The American Military has an ACT app in the App Store, but I fear itâs primarily to find troublesome cases before they happen.